Happy $#;@%=(*%&;} Mother’s Day

Yup….

Happy $#;@%=(*%&;} Mother’s Day.

From my children, I received lots of hugs and some nice cards. From my mom I got a nice card. From my father I’ve gotten nothing but grief. As I sit here typing, he is complaining about the dinner I’m going to make him.

Let me go back earlier in the day…

I made a delicious ham salad for lunch. While in the middle of chopping ham and mixing it all up, Dad informs me he has to get into the bathroom.  His timing is bad, but I say nothing.  I get his wheelchair next to his lift-chair and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Until I finally say, “Dad, I’ll be right back.  I need to cover the ham if we’re going to be much longer.”  But no, he says that can wait.  He’s finally ready to get up.

Bathroom trip is done and  he’s back in the lift chair.  He asks “What’s for lunch?”  Ham salad sandwiches.  He didn’t want it. He wanted egg salad.  I made the friggin egg salad for him, then was asked “Why didn’t you put some ham in it? That would be good.” I just can’t get a break today.

He is also diabetic, and when the rest of us try to remind him that one sandwich is okay, but two is too much, he gets all pissed off at us and says we’re trying to starve him. He wanted two sandwiches at lunch, but I gave him one. I also told him if he wanted more egg salad, he could have that WITHOUT the bread. Not good enough. He wanted crackers with it. So, mom said “Just give it to him.” She’s as frustrated with him as I am. As soon as I’m done with this post, I’m creating a food chart for him, so he can keep track himself of all the carbohydrates he is eating. I’m tired of doing it and getting bitched at for trying to help.

Back to dinner which is a shark steak. He is telling me how to season it, how to cook it, how to serve it. Like I haven’t been cooking since I was 10-years old. (Count it up and that’s 30 years.) “And don’t forget the tartar sauce.” I told him we don’t have any. He said make some. I said I don’t have the ingredients to make some. His reaction was, “Well, that F***in’ sucks.” Gee, Dad, I’m sorry I can’t just whip the stuff out of my @$$. Do this, do that, do this, do that… And then he said, “Well, you used relish in the ham salad, why can’t you use some to make tartar sauce?” Well, golly, Dad, why don’t I pick all the relish out of the salad and do just that. THERE ISN’T ANY LEFT!!!!!! There wasn’t much left to begin with.

And the food is just a minimal part of it. He’s been driving me crazy all day over stupid little stuff. Hook up the hose, water the lawn, start the laundry, get the dishes done, and so on… ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I’m a servant around here, being ordered what to do and what not to do.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just too sensitive today for some reason. I don’t know.

So then my ex-husband shows up… and gives me a Mother’s Day card. Whoopdee freakin’ doo. I don’t want anything from him. Yes, I do. I want him to leave ME ALONE!!!! I just want a day to myself. I’m afraid if I don’t get one soon I’m gonna flip out on somebody. And it will probably be somebody who doesn’t deserve it. “Calgon, take me away!”

Stir Crazy

I really think I’ve gone stir crazy. No kidding. I have been out of work since early February, and have been taking care of my father ever since. He is not exactly housebound, but he is so freakin’ stubborn! He had a stroke on March 21 last year. He came home the first week of June last year after spending 11 days on a ventilator in the SICU at Albany Med, then 3 days in regular room. After that, he was at a rehab hospital for a month, then came back up to our hometown to a nursing home here for a month. Since then, he has been “recovering” at home. Recovering is his word… procrastinating is mine! He is so set in his routine that he won’t even try getting up from his lift-chair in any manner that isn’t exactly the same as he’s done since he’s gotten home. God forbid if his hemi-walker isn’t right next to him… never mind the fact he can’t stand up alone anyway. My brother, Jason, gets him in and out of the shower and helps wash him.

Here is how the last shower day played out…

Dad: It would be really nice if I had a pull-bar here. Points to the wall near the bathroom (hall too narrow to turn wheelchair around corner into bathroom. He has to transfer to there)
Jason: I’ll gladly buy you a pull-bar and install it if you can prove to me you’ll use it. I’m not going to waste money on something you won’t use.
D: I’ll use it.
J: Then use my arm as a pull bar. (He braced himself and braced his arm against the wall.)
D: No, not today.
J: If not today, Dad, then when? When anybody asks you to do something a little differently than usual, you always say “not today”.
D: Well, I don’t feel like it today.
J: C’mon, just do it. You know you can. I know you can. Susie knows you can… EVERYBODY knows you can. Do it.
D: No. Said in stubborn manner like a 5-year old
J: Well, if you would just do it, I’ll get the pull-bar and put it up.
D: I said I don’t want to.
J: No, you said you didn’t feel like it today.
D: Just get me in the shower.
J: Just grab my arm. You always lean down to get up. Try pulling up to get up.
D: It’s easier that way, the way I always do it.
J: How do you know its easier? You’ve never done it any different, so you can’t compare.
D: I don’t want to do it.
J: You could’ve already been in the shower by now if you would stop being stubborn.
D: Yeah, well you’re not helping.  You won’t let me get up.
At this point, I looked at Jason and just rolled my eyes.

This went on and on for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, I’m just standing there waiting, holding the wheelchair so it doesn’t slide on the linoleum floor when he shifts to get up. (Did I mention his weight is up to 320 pounds? Total gain of 102 pounds in a year.) Finally, Dad gave in. Jason is more stubborn than Dad, and that saying “he didn’t pick it off a tree” is more apt than you realize! After Dad finally got up, Jason asked him, “Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Dad, being Dad, said “Yes it was.” Sheesh!

So, you’re probably now wondering what this all has to do with me being stir-crazy. Well, like I mentioned, I’m taking care of him. All day. Every day. Every week. And now that Mom has a cast on her foot for her tendinitis and bone spurs, its getting worse. Mom gets tired out, trying to get around with that cast, so I still “work” after she gets home. At least until she has a chance to sit for a little bit and have dinner.

I really don’t have a problem with taking care of Dad. I just get frustrated. I get him into the bathroom every morning after mom is gone to work, then back out to the living room. Then I fix his coffee and breakfast. Then for the next few hours, I get up and down to get stuff for him. Can I have another cup of coffee, sit down. Oops, he forgot to mention he needs a box of tissues, sit down. His shoe is too tight please untie it, sit down. Get that neck pillow, sit down. Done with coffee can I have some water, sit down. Dropped the TV remote get it for him, sit down. Legs are chilly hand me that blanket, sit down. And now its lunch-time. Pattern repeats for a few more hours, but factor in cooking dinner too. Dinner time, mom gets home. And until about 7 or 7:30 pm, I’m still jumping up and sitting down… Then I go hide in my room where I can knit in peace!

I need to get out of the house now and then, but when? I need to find a job… I hate not having money, and its not fair to mom to be the only one working. When can I get out to job hunt? Seems like never. The longest I’ve been out of this house was to go to my nephew’s birthday party for 4 hours. And then my poor 16-yr old son was the puppet while I was gone. I didn’t have any money to give him as a thank-you… only a big hug and a big thank you. Poor kid was almost nuts when I got back! lol

Dad was just approved for getting a home health aide, and she’ll be here 3 days a week. While she’s here, I told her I’d probably take a walk. Maybe just go down the road and back… maybe go get an ice cream cone at Stewart’s. Or better yet, a root beer float! Mmmmm! Maybe I could just walk over to the park and sit for a bit. Or maybe simply go out the front door and sneak back in the back door and hide in my room where it’s quiet! lol

I don’t dare voice to Dad that I really need a break and really need to get out of the house, because I just know that he will say, “Well, get my scooter out and I’ll go with you.” Not the same. I don’t begrudge him wanting to get out now and then, but it seems its only when I want to get out alone for a bit… he never takes the initiative to want to get out unless someone else is going out. Suggest to him that we get the scooter and he can come out and guaranteed he won’t want to.

Sorry for rambling… I’m not even sure if any of this made sense! I just needed to get it off my chest. I think it may be a case of cabin fever… I get so I’m near tears at the end of the day sometimes. And those times are happening more and more.

Thanks for letting me rant and ramble. Sometimes a person just needs that sort of release now and then.

One down, many to go

Okay, so I’ve finished one hat… I’ve still got about a dozen or so to go!  lol  Anyway, I created the pattern for this one.  I’ve posted it on the patterns blog along with some pictures.  Unfortunately, my oldest son has my “good” digital camera, so I had to use the crappy one.  And the pictures came out a little bit grainy and washed out.  I did my best to touch them up, but I didn’t want to mess around with them too much.  This hat pattern is called Wee Willie Winkie Long Stocking Cap.  I love the way it turned out!  So cute!  I made this in lavender, blue, pink, yellow and green shades.  The yarn color is called “Monet” and is a Red Heart yarn.  I’ll put one pic here, but to see the rest, you’ll have to go to the pattern pages.  This pattern is available for free, and can also be found on ravelry.  Anyway, here is the washed out, grainy pic!  lol

In Search of Something Real

So as I’ve been searching online all the yarn company sites and Ravelry for a decent knit scarf pattern that I can work with (I’m still new to knitting!), I found something interesting. Do you have any idea how many patterns there are for scarves that are not really scarves at all? I’ve found neck-warmers, cowls, mini-scarves, novelty yarn scarves, and loopy, lacy scarves, just to name a few types. Keep in mind, I live in the North Country of NY State, and to me a scarf needs to be serviceable as well as fashionable. In other words, it needs to keep you warm in the winter! Especially when it’s 20°F below zero with a windchill of 40°F below! Come on!

I came across one that was titled “Mini Scarf”, and going by the picture, it looked to me like someone cast on about 6 stitches and worked it to a length long enough to wrap around the neck and drape down the shoulders. It barely covers the Adam’s apple… how on earth is that a scarf? Sheesh! And what’s with these little thingies that wrap once around the neck and have HUGE buttons to keep the ends together? If you put your chin down, you’ll choke on the buttons pressing into your throat!

Of course, we can’t forget the novelty yarn scarves. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that have such thin, fringy strings on them you want to sneeze when they get too close to your nose. How can you make a scarf from that stuff? A scarf should be able to be pulled up from the neck area to cover the mouth and nose, if necessary. Can you imagine having to breathe through that novelty stuff? Ugh! Ahhh…. ahhhh…. aaahhhCHOOOO!

Now on to cowls and the  lacy, loopy things. As far as cowls go, I guess they’re alright, if you want to look like you’ve got a tremendously large thyroid tumor!  And the loopy ones, they’ve haven’t got enough substance to them to keep you warm! Too many dratted holes and spaces for the cold air to get through! ‘Nuf said!

If any of you know of a decent pattern for an easy but nice, North Country-suitable scarf, please let me know!  I really need to find one.  I’m making gifts for Christmas.  (Yes, I know it’s more than 8 months away!)  I want to get these things done early!  I need to make 5 pairs of mittens, 16 hats, 16 scarves, and 18 pairs of slippers!  And those are just off the top of my head.  I want to make a few extras of all of them, in case I need to add a gift.  Plus, I’m making extra hats, scarves and mittens from my stash yarn to donate to Homeless Youth Coalition (HYC) Wait House, so they can pass them on to the kids and teen moms.  Some of those will be crocheted, some knit.

Done and Almost Done

I’ve finished the slippers for my brother. I got a pic of them after I finished them, but unfortunately, he wouldn’t model them for me when he came to get them! lol That’s okay, next time I get down to his house, I’ll be sure to have my camera, so maybe I can get him to model them for the camera anyway.

I’m still working on the Hooded Poncho for my grandson, and I’ve gotten part of the hood portion done. So, I’m about 60% finished with it. It’s coming out very nicely! If I can’t get him to wear it for the camera, I’ll have my son and his girlfriend get a picture of him wearing it. Gotta finish it first though.

And that’s where my current projects stand. I’m not sure what I’ll start next, but I’ve pretty much scrapped the pattern I was designing and now I’m trying to rework it. I know what I WANT it to look like, but just getting it to that point is not as easy as I thought it would be. I had to frog it back down to almost the beginning again. Oh, well! Like the header of this blog states, the “trials and tribulations” of getting things right!